Deep in the catacombs of WIP HQ, lost somewhere beneath the near endless maze of corridors and rooms lie the holding cells. Rumor has it that they contain a number of the most diabolical tomes, creatures and bad movies on VHS to have ever existed.
Within this den of evil, known simply as vault 16.5, there is a room cloaked in the shadow of darkness so deep that not even the light of the gods can penetrate it; this is known as the Review chamber!
There is but one light highlighting a figure... subject: Dare.
From the mysterious shadows a familiar voice echoes out. “Time is 1642, interrogation of subject Dare commencing, recording starts:-
DM: So we meet at last, Mr. Dare.
Dare: … *Incoherent mumbling*
DM: Try taking the mask off.
Dare: … Ah, fresh-ish air... is that stale urine I smell?
DM: I’m asking the questions here!
Dare: Urgh… how did I end up here? Last thing I remember is swimming down the Shannon trying to catch the Guinness-filled whale.
DM: Never you mind; and for your information it wasn’t a whale, it was a milk truck.
Dare: Aw, at least that explains the white stuff.
DM: …
Dare: By the way, what year? Day? Who are again?
*sound of punch to head*
Dare: Ouch, my brain!
DM: Thank you, Winnie. So… Mr. Dare, what have you been up to on your little travels?
Dare: You know those contortionists, the ones that fit into a tiny box? I’d really like to see them fit into a Ryan Air flight...
DM: Answer the question, please.
Dare: What?? Oh yeah, Ireland... yeah shortly after we landed I realized we weren’t going to Disney Land Paris.
DM: No, it was Ireland, I believe, we sent agent Winnie to go fetch you.
Dare: Yeah, I turned up in Ireland. It was very good - I’d only had 6 pints by this point. Anyway, after passing those guys who want paper or something—
DM: Immigration control?
Dare: Yeah, I’ve no idea. I signed a autograph for them.
DM: I see, so then what?
Dare: I don’t know, it was a bit of a blur... might’ve been because I was in a car.
DM: Or the 6 pints.
Dare: *Grumble* Oh yeah, I found myself in a local town full of local people and so I thought “hey there’s gotta be a tavern!”
DM: Hmm indeed, so what initiative demonstrates field in your time always from WIP HQ?
Dare: Err... Initiative, what’s that effect again?
DM: Its 1D10 plus agility mod -20 for intoxication.
Dare: Aw, my, err, my agility… my what, what was that...? OMG the snake!
DM: Snake? SNAKE!? SNAAAAKE!!
Dare: Oh, I was in this tavern talking to a brightly colored token, and by this point had adopted the local accent.
DM: So… the two stage initiative... stage one: how long had you been there?
Dare: ‘Bout and hour.
DM: I see.
Dare: Well my empty glasses were making an interesting monolith, and had somehow bought a round for everyone in the pub and they charged the guy next to me.
DM: So stage 2?
Dare: I was in my third pub, making a 1:1 scale representation of the Statue of Liberty.
DM: How did it go?
Dare: Not well…
DM: I see... so good times were had by all... and now you’re back, what are you planning for us in the future?
Dare: I’ve got a lot of things on the....line? Hopefully... I have photos. As you may have been able to gather, I am planning to review the best universe in the world, and quite possibly the worst.
DM: You’re speaking of course of your Starship Trooper fetish?
Dare: *Slumps in chair having a flashback moment*
DM: What the??
Dare: *Flashback continues*
DM: Okay… err, end of transmission.
Dare: Yay! At least I get a nice dark cold room to sleep off the hangover, or is that an overhang…? God damn Batman!
